Online School for Princess

Many moons ago, I blogged about the challenges of being a minority student. Princess struggles the most with this. Her outspoken attitude can make her a target for some adults so she and I have been discussing online school for months. We decided to proceed with it this school year. I have mixed feeling about it, to be honest, but it really is in her best interest. This is a big change for our family. {Note: The others will be attending their zoned schools-Astronaut will be be a senior, Squirrel will be a 7th grader, Frick & Frack will be in 6th grade, Side Salad in 5th, and Popcorn in first.}

The reasons:

• My girl had several incidents with the adults in her building.  Nearly all of them were the result of an adult giving conflicting directions and continuously escalating a situation.  In the end, she wasn't punished. In meeting with administration, it was clear the adults were wrong.  It was evident that the adults in her school have a low understanding of child development when it comes to certain students.  
• Princess has been state identified as a gifted/talented student. She is a TIP Scholar.  Yet her GPA was a 2.0 and she nearly failed some core classes.  This is unacceptable and the school was unable to provide the type of support she needed as those particular teachers were busy singling her out repeatedly for their own inconsistent practices instead of focusing on student success. 
• The teachers weren't the only issue. For some reason, she just couldn't seem to get her bearings. Maybe it was the size of the school-over 2,000 students.  Maybe it was her own maturity level.  She struggled all year.
• Her guidance counselor left.  That was one of the few faces that looked like hers in that building and she left. She was Princess' trusted adult in difficult situations and was the leader of her mentoring program as well as her step team coach. Without her, who would P go to when she had issues?

I want my children to be successful.  I don't know if she could be successful in the environment she was in.  If that environment is the dining room table, so be it.  This model of learning comes with its own set of concerns.

I am concerned about her time management and her ability to keep up so we'll be utilizing a planner. This is a strategy we've been using the past few years to help her be accountable for getting things done. We'll also create a daily schedule for her.  Luckily, I'll be home for the entire first marking period and part of the second, so I can help her transition.

She  will be missing out on some extracurricular activities but the online program we chose, SC Connections Academy, has clubs she can participate in.

I also plan to get her the Rosetta Stone in German to ensure she is both challenged and supported.  We're going to get  it through the Duke TIP program.  We are also looking into summer programs she can attend next year at colleges.

She's going to have an exercise schedule to ensure she maintains an appropriate level of physical activity.

I also found out one of her school friends and my stepsister's daughter may be enrolled in the same program!  The girls may be able to support each other.

I hate sometimes that parenting doesn't come with a manual and so much is trial and error but I think this decision may pan out for us in the end.  If not, she can always return to her zoned school.

It Matters

This year we moved from a very diverse, urban/suburban-ish school district to a much less diverse one in more affluent area.  I have mixed feelings about this as a teacher and as a parent.  My kids attend much newer schools (brand spankin' new!)with much more technology. Astronaut has an iPad.  Squirrel has them in her class.  Princess checks out Nooks from the library.  The students as a whole are more focused and there are far fewer behavioral issues.

But there are major drawbacks.  My kids stick out like grains of pepper in a bowl of rice.  It's a new experience for them, though not necessarily a bad one.  They've made new friends, really nice ones, especially the Astronaut.  But there are definitely some drawbacks. For one, their idea of a open door policy differs greatly from what we've been used to.  They don't like parents to come into the children's classrooms. I'm used to sitting in, helping teachers.  Also Princess and her teacher had some issues.  And today I noticed that ina school with over 750 students, there are zero black teachers. What are the odds of that? They also failed to put my boy-who is state identified as gifted-in the proper courses.

Before Princess made her entrance, there was only one black girl. I guess she was The Black Girl.  Now there are two. She and P have had "friendship problems" because she feels like P is "taking her friends."  We'll call said girl, Frog (this is not in any way related to her looks.  She's a pretty child.).  Princess is slender, slightly above average height, has smooth chocolatety skin, big brown eyes with lashes so long they look like butterfly wings, long hair (down past her shoulders, though she rarely wears it out). I've only seen her twice but Frog is light skinned with very long hair-about mid back length-the same texture as Princess' but a little lighter in color.   These details will be relevant very soon.

Today, Princess told me that Frog is not black.  Now I've seen Frog and it is very clear that she is, in fact, black.  It's not that she's ambiguous, like the singer Miguel. She's a light skinned black girl.  So I ask "Well what is she then? "  I expect her to say Guyanese or Dominican or something like that-something with enough melanin to fool the eye at first glance.  Princess tells me that Frog says she is white. 

Apparently, Frog is mixed.  I had no idea.  And since her mom is white, she's decided she's white, too.  Now that she can't be TBG, I guess.  Let me say, this child is not black, per se.  She is biracial.  I am not suggesting she should deny her whiteness. 

You wonder why I care, don't you. It's because I care about kids and their wellbeing, even when they are mean to my kids. I'm a teacher.  Kids are my life.  My students, I love them like I birthed them.

I care because this is a little black girl and I'm a mama of little black girls.  It is a cold world for little black girls.  The world goes out of its way to tear them down.  Traditional ideals of beauty are very eurocentric.   Additionally, the assumption is that intelligence and class have an inverse relationship with complexion.

I care because this child is being set up to be ridiculed and embarrassed. No one will treat her like a white child.  Yes, this is America. Yes, it is 2013.  Yes, black people are STILL treated differently than others. It's just the truth.  Furthermore, no one is going to trear her black, then find out she is "white" and treat her differently.  I understand that her mother is white-she is not.  It's like hair color. If your mom is a blonde and you've hot auburn tresses,  you're not blonde. She will be looked at a bit funny by everyone for calling herself white.

I care because this could impact her school performance. Yep, black pride is good for black kids, says Harvard. It gives the the tools they need to survive and thrive.  By denying what is clearly true-that she is biracial, her mother is implying that there is something wrong with being black. She's attaching shame to it. And self shame can morph into self hate, a dangerous thing in girls. Self hate leads to self destructive behaviors such as eating disorders,  promiscuity, drinking, cutting, etc.

My heart breaks for this precious child and the utter confusion she must be feeling.  I'm scared of how real things will get for her.

Or perhaps I'm just reading too much into it.