Happiness not allowed

I was scrolling though Instagram today and came across an old pic of this drop dead gorgeous mama and her brood.

I've seen this pic before and I'm wowed by it every time. That woman is #flawless and giving me all sorts of Mama Earth Fertility Goddess life.

Then, I read the comments.

Why do I ever read the comments? I wish I could say was floored...but I wasn't.  See, I know those sentiments well. It's part of the reason I wait to share my pregnancies.  I think I was in my 3rd trimester before I shared Popcorn and I was about 33 weeks when I shared this pregnancy.  Black women frequently "aren't allowed"  to celebrate new life in ways others are.  Allow me to explan.

There is a very single faceted perception of what a Black woman can and can't be.  One of those things is "happy to be a mother of many."  If a woman has more than 3 children, the perception is that she's poor, ignorant recieving public assistance, and promiscuous.  It's up to the woman to prove she's none of these.  However,  if a white woman shares a pic of her large family, it's by and large "a blessing" and she is a super mom. It doesn't matter if dad is in that shot or not. She's assumed to be married, nurturing,  intelligent , and pious. Heck, she might even get a TV show.  I am not disagreeing; I clearly love large families.  I'm shappy MechanicBae came with offspring (and a wonderful exwife), even though they are only with us sometimes.  I'm just pointing out that it's hypocritical. The automatic aassumptions are unfounded and insulting.  And the most vocal outcry comes from other Black women.  Why? How?

Because people breath life into tired, false stereotypes.   Here are some facts:

• Birth rates are down.  Black women declined from 2.14 births per woman to 1.89 births per woman. People are not "having a whole bunch of babies." (Except me.  I'm having a whole bunch of babies.)
• Black people do get married.  75% of Black women marry before 35.  I could have told you that, anecdotally,  but I prefer facts.  I have very few friends who have never been married and most of those are by choice.
• Black fathers are not across the board absent. MechanicBae is a great dad/stepdad. My male friends are awesome fathers.  My friends' husbands ROCK.

Every time I see a baby, Black or otherwise, I feel a little peal of joy.  Babies remind us that life goes on, that there's hope for the future. But Black people represent such a tiny sliver of the population, 13% if I recollect.  That should make each little melanated munchkin extra precious to us all.

So now that you know some facts, how about we all just  #letblackbabiesexist