On My Soap Box About....arguments against breastfeeding.

  

So you may or may not know that I'm pretty active on the Facebook. I spend a lot of time there. I try to stay away from all FB drama but the recent "outcry" about the guardswomen breastfeeding really stuck in my craw.

Yes, I just said that. I told you I'm a southern girl.

Anyways, here's one the pictures.

I thought it was  very sweet. Two mommies giving both our country and their babies the very best they have to offer. It's a powerful image that says so much about the strength of a woman.

But many people seem to think it is offensive as well as being disrespectful to the uniform.  The Guard issued a statement saying that using the uniform to further an agenda while in uniform is against their regulations.  Agenda?  Hmmmm.....

But moving right along, I commented on how I felt on a friend's page and someone else commented and we kinda went back and forth a bit.  It seemed this FB friend has more of an issue with breastfeeding in general as opposed to this picture.  He actually pulled out the Breastfeeding Asinine Argument Trifecta.  He compared breastfeeding to pooping, peeing, and sex.

Really? People are still using those arguments?  Sigh.  Let me dispel them, as many before me have.

Ridiculousness #1:  "I know breastfeeding is natural.  Pooping/peeing are natural, too, but I don't do that in the middle of a restaurant."

Breastfeeding is eating.  Let me repeat that: breastfeeding is eating.  I'll say it louder: BREASTFEEDING IS EATING. Nourishment is being taken into the bdoy.  Capiche?

Defecation and urination are excretory functions.  Waste is going out of the body. Again, capiche?

So you can't compare breastfeeding to pooping or peeing. They are opposites and have nothing in common, other than being bodily functions.  That's the epitome of apples to oranges.  You can compare public diaper changes to pooping/peeing-that's apples to apples. Can we put this particular justification to rest?

Ridiculousness #2: "Sex is natural, too, but you don't do it in front of everyone."


Okay, this one really bothers me. I think it is terrifying, as a parent. How is breastfeeding anything like sex?  The kind of person with this line of thinking is not the person I want flipping through my albums. Most of my pics are of my children.

My current status is:
PSA:                                                                                                                                           
If you truly feel like breastfeeding has some sort of sexual connotation, please take the following actions: 
1. Delete me as a friend.                                                                                                                
2. Stay away from ALL children.                                                                                                      
3. Seek professional mental health services.                                                                                      
 
 I mean seriously, how do you feel when you see a child eat a banana? There really is something wrong     with you, and I mean that in the most honest way possible.                                                                

I'm done. **steps off soapbox**

BTW, I breastfed in a government office, at my kids' school, and at a restaurant today.

Day 45: First time at the Zoo

Popcorn had her first zoo visit!

She's 6 weeks and 3 days old.  Side Salad and my mom came along, too.  She was the cutest little thing around.  We didn't see the hedgehog this time.  She slept for most of the visit, but woke up toward the end. I wore her in my Comfy Joey Marrakech ring sling.

Here are a few pics.

Side Salad, the mama, and Popcorn

And Meme

Snack time!

Check out that sweet flower and my sweet necklace

This kid makes the craziest faces

Day 36: AP-gotta say my piece

By now, I'm sure you've seen this:

It is for a piece on attachment parenting from next week's Times.  

What's Attachment Parenting?

Attachment parenting is a phrase coined by Dr. Sears that describes a parenting philosophy.  Basically, it means that you practice a child-led sort of parenting that focuses on making sure the child feels safe and secure.  Instead of reinventing the wheel, I'm just going to cut and paste the 8 principals of AP from Wikipedia:

1. Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
2. Feed with Love and Respect
3. Respond with Sensitivity
4. Use Nurturing Touch
5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
6. Provide Consistent Loving Care
7. Practice Positive Discipline
8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

That is what guides attachment parents. How they interpret it is up to that family.  It can also change over time as the family changes.   Here is what AP can look like:

• co-sleeping/bed sharing/family bed
• breastfeeding 
• baby wearing
• cloth diapering
• homeschooling/unshcooling
• homeopathy/herbal remedies
• non-circumcision
• natural childbirth/home birth
• organic/local food
• non-vax
• etc

This doesn't mean all APs do all of these thigns.  I highlighted the ones I practice or have practiced.  The focus isn't on the practices, though. It's the guiding philosophy.  Again, the focus is the baby/child. There is no checklist or set of rules to being an AP


My Parenting
I subscribe to AP because of my beliefs about parenting.  God gave me these perfect little people.  He entrusted me with their care so I do my very best for them. Their needs are simple, though they can be confusing due to the communication barrier-I don't speak cry-so I have to listen to their non-verbal cues.  My kids come first to me.  I was an AP before I knew what AP was.  It is the simplest, most primal form of parenting. I keep them close and care for them the way that feels natural to me.. I protect them from harm, environmental or otherwise. I didn't hear the term until about 2 or 3 years ago, on Cafe Mom, but it described what I did to a T.


The Cover
I'm not a big fan of the cover as a picture but I understand the purposed. The woman is standing in an empowered posed.  It's meant to be provocative and to encourage dialogue, and by golly I did!  The same people finding issue with extended breastfeeding have no issue with those icky Hardee's commercials or beer commercials or any other exploitation of women's bodies.  I think the most interesting thing about attachment parents is that (in my experience) don't judge other parents. We parent the way that is right for our kids, our families.  We aren't telling other mamas what to do, yet many people feel it necessary to vocalize their utter disdain.  Then if we counter criticism with criticism, they get angry. If we counter criticism with research, they get angry. If we counter criticism by ignoring them, they get angry.


 I was interviewed by our local NBC affiliate. Here is a link to the article and the video clip is below.  In the clip, I am actually breastfeeding Popcorn at one point, but you'll miss it if you blink.  You can see Side Salad playing on a backhoe, too.

Day 30: Happy 1 month, Popcorn

Today, Popcorn is officially one month old.  We went to church today, my first time since she was born and her first time ever.

The day started off with her being naughty. Instead of nursing, she wanted to make faces and stick out her tongue at me. I sternly reminded her that there was no eating in the car and she got her act together

We finally made it to church, about 15 minutes late.  Popcorn nodded off a bit by then.

However, once church started she made her presence know. I've said it before and I'll say it again: this chickadee has some pipe on her!  I have been working on a nursing room at church and I made use of it today.  It needs a little more work. I want to have some emergency diapers in there. I'm going to donate the diapers from my diaper cake, since we use cloth, and a pack of wipes. I already put a play yard in there.

You may wonder why I didn't nurse her in church.  Nursing an itty bitty is involved. Sometimes she needs  little help with latch and lots of support.  It's easier to bare a boob so I used the room. When she's a little older and can get herself on well all the time, NIP is much easier.   

Even though she was fed and changed, she was still fussy.  I ended up putting her in the sling. She quieted down and went to sleep, and I took communion.

Who needs a headband when you're asleep

After service, she got to meet the pastor who will be christening her in a few months (as soon as she can fit Squirrel's gown).

We had a little photobomber in the shot ;-)

Anywho, tomorrow is a busy day so I need to detach this baby and put her to bed, do some laundry, and make me some cookies.

The Hypocrisy of Modesty, part 1

Today’s topic is again nursing in public.  If you read my blog you already know how I feel about it.  I don’t think nursing in public is an issue that deserves any attention at all.  It should be normal and boring, but for some reason it isn’t.

I was reading comments on various news stories related to the Hickman/Target incident and the ensuing Nurse ins.  Facebook, too, has been a hotbed of discussion on the matter.  I discovered an interesting trend to many “supporters” of breastfeeding.  It seems that many people say they don’t have a problem with nursing in public as long as the woman is modest. I find this statement to be fascinating, contradictory, and very telling.

I decided to look up the actual definition of modest so that I could articulate my own thoughts and be as concise as possible.

mod·est adj.1. Having or showing a moderate estimation of one's own talents, abilities, and value.
2. Having or proceeding from a disinclination to call attention to oneself; retiring or diffident. See Synonyms at shy¹.
3. Observing conventional proprieties in speech, behavior, or dress.
4. Free from showiness or ostentation; unpretentious.
5. Moderate or limited in size, quantity, or range; not extreme: a modest price; a newspaper with a modest circulation.

 In reference to breastfeeding in public, modesty means not drawing attention to one’s self.  I have breastfed 4 children for a total of 45 months, so I have done quite a bit of public breastfeeding.   I use my own experience, as well as that of women I know, to draw my conclusion.  I had the Astronaut when I was 18 years old and breastfed him for 13 months.  I was nervous about breastfeeding in public so initially, I used a receiving blanket to cover him.  Let me tell you, covering your child’s face with blanket in the muggy Carolina summer is the opposite of modest.

• ·        First of all, everyone knows what you are doing.  Why else would there be a blanket on your child?
• ·        Second, in case anyone wasn’t looking, your baby will draw attention by thrashing around wildly and making distressful noises. Hell, the heat index is over 100 degrees down here every single year.  This draws everyone’s attention to you. They all know what you are doing. 

Yet for some reason, drawing massive amounts of attention to yourself is considered modest.  Compare that to simply putting baby to boob.  Chances are, you’re wearing a shirt. If you aren’t NIP is the least of your concerns. I digress, back to blanket-less nursing.

• ·        There’s very little prep time. You put your hand under your shirt, pop a boob out, hold the edge of the shirt up, and VOILA! 
• ·  Unless they are staring right at you, no one knows what you are doing.  I have had people hold entire conversations with me without realizing that I am nursing.  It just looks like you are holding your precious babe.

·      That is the very epitome of modest-you are not drawing attention to yourself.  This is how it works for the vast majority of mamas. There are a few that are less modest, lowering or unbuttoning their shirts. These women are generally not from the US.  Few people seem to realize that this whole breastfeeding brouhaha is a purely American situation.  In the rest of the world, no one bats an eye.  So when people visit or move to our country, which is supposedly so progressive and advanced, they assume that we have a normal view of breastfeeding and do it the way it’s done in their own countries.  Poor ladies, no one warns them.  I’ll pause here so this doesn’t get too ramble-y.

What are your views on nursing in public? Do you have a modesty clause?

My Breastfeeding Experiences

I am a lactavist. I staunchly belive that breast milk is to formula like diamonds are to cubic zirconia, a cheap imitation.  If you can't get diamonds, wear CZ, but if you had a choice why would you want something less?  This is especially true when you consider that the diamonds in this case are free.

I breastfed all four of my children. Each time, I had a different life situation but somehow I managed to make it work.  With my the Astronaut, I was an 18 year old single parent, four months out of high school.  I waited a year to go to college, but worked from the time he was 2 months old. Maybe one bottle of formula passed that child's lips.  It didn't make it down his throat because he spit it out.  He has quite a discerning palate.  My mom brought him to my job to nurse. I was waiting tables intially, and worked a semi-slow shift.  I left the state and went to college full time when he was nine months old and still breastfeeding. I expressed milk for him and he began whole milk at age one.  We made it 13 months, at which point he self-weaned.  Two months later, I was pregnant.

When I had the Princess, my son had just turned two and I was back home. I worked two jobs in her infancy, begin when she was 5 weeks old.  It was a much more difficult situation.  I was having problems with my then-boyfriend and with my family. I only made it 4 months with my sweet girl.  Then we fell into a vicious cycle of eczema, ear infections, and colds that actually cost me my job.  I didn't qualify for FMLA and my job wasn't very sympathetic to the plight of single mothers with sick children.

The Squirrel was up next. I was determined to make it with her. I returned to work when she was 6 weeks old. She was a fussy little girl, my smallest baby.  Caesar wasn't working then so he stayed with her. I began pumping and freezing as soon as she was born.We began bottles of pumped milk at 2 weeks to try to avoid nipple confusion and my Avent Isis and I spent lunch together in the lacation room at work. My precious girl girl was EBF for 7 months, then hit a huge growth spurt and depleted my stored supply.  She was BF/FF for two months and then FF after 9 months. She couldn't tolerate cow milk based formula and was switch to soy with moderate success. She developed severe eczema which she still suffers from. She's allergic to all nuts (peanut/tree nut), dogs, dairy, and dust. 

Three days after I was laid off from my job, I found out I was pregnant with Side Salad. My little chunky monkey (the biggest of teh babes) was born so fast we shared our first meal together less than 30 minutes after arriving at the hospital, he from the boob and me from the hospital cafeteria.  SS was the lucky one. He was born when I was at the ripe old age of 26, much wiser and more confident as a mother than I had ever been. Formula never graced the palate of my precious papoose. Before the big kids, my mom and I went on a cruise, I stocked up the deep freezer with the help of my Avent Isis iQ Uno.   This kid was EBF until he was 21 months old.  That's right; he was walking, talking, eating from a plate, drinking from a real cup, using the potty, and all.  It was a mutual decision. He just nursed less and less until one day, I realized it'd been about a week since he nursed. I offered and he refused.

You'd assume people who had known me for a long time would be used to my breastfeeding. 

You assume too much, dear reader.  In my next blog, I will outline the infamous "NIP makes you close minded" incident of 2009.

It's a hoot.