Blended Family: Yours, mine, and ours.

It's been a busy weekend.  In addition to my crew, my plus 2 (Frick & Frack) was here. Those are MechanicBae's twin sons. They are 6 months older than Side Salad so it's a party when the whole gang is here.

Blended families are a unique challenge. We've known these little guys for about 3 or 4 years now so they aren't new to us.  They are great kids; their mom is awesome, too. She has done a phenomenal job raising these little guys and we get along very well. She and MechanicBae have a good coparenting relationship.  Frick & Frack fit right in with the crew.  They are bright, respectful, funny-just really good kids.

But sometimes, I feel guilty.  See, their dad is here. Everyday.  We live together so my kids are in a 2 parent home, for all intents and purposes. MechanicBae is the one  who took Popocorn to school everyday in 4K.  He's the one the teens call when they need a parent during the day. He takes them to their friends' houses and gives them spending money.  He has inside jokes with all of them.  He is even learning to say "no" to their constant and incessant requests.

But he is Frick & Frack's dad.  We didn't date until after MechanicBae and his ex-wife were already apart and their divorce was finalized before mine.  And then we weren't a couple until a couple of years later.  So I don't feel like our relationship interferes with his parenting. BUT, I can't imagine not seeing my babies all the time. And I know what it feels like to not see your parent every day.

I do what I can to make them feel like a part of the family. We take them on vacation. I get them the same level of gifts I buy mine. They have some clothes and PJs here.  I hold them to the same standard I hold me.  They have to read during reading time, no tech at the table, and even summers have bedtimes.  Just like I fuss at Side Salad about showering and brushing his teeth, I do the same for them. When we are out, people assume that I birthed them, too.

Teaching them to play Phase 10

But then....they go home. And MechanicBae is still here.

And I still feel guilty.

And it's even harder now that Lil Fish is on the way. I already told MechanicBae that I want all the kids to see the baby at the same time. This means the crew will be in the waiting room until Frick & Frack can get to the hospital. This baby is as much their sibling and I don't want them to feel like they aren't equally important.

I do what I can.

Are you raising a blended family? Did you grow up in one?  What were your challenges?

Woo hoo! I won!

I spend a lot of time on social media, specifically Facebook and Instagram.  Lately,  I get suggestions to look at baby stuff and my ads are baby related.  One from Snuggle Me Organics [ @snuggle_me_organic on Insta] popped up in my feed and I was like, "What the heck. Can't win if you don't play." They were picking four winning pairs (you had to tag someone) to get an organic baby lounger and a 3 pack of swaddles. Their products looked excessively soft and cuddly.

I tagged Princess (she is active of Insta and her gift could be split between my 2 pregnant coworkers) and my cousin's wife, who is 6 weeks behind me.

We won. My cousin's wife and I.  For reals. I was legit confused at first bc who really wins these things? I am elated. It would have been a splurge to buy the items (value $239). I adore their earthy tones  so I am getting my lounger in Ember, a deep warm gold, and my swaddles in Moss, Slate, and Natural.  I can't wait to see Lil Fish snuggle for a nap in these products. 

If you want to splurge a bit on a gift for a special little one from a cool mama-owned (Mia is a mama of 7!l) company that follows through with their word, look no further.  And if you want $25 off your purchase, I got you, fan.

COUPON CODE:
SHARE25 

This code is good for $25.00 OFF any order of 100.00 or more

Thanks, Mia!

That time I got stuck in a booth

Last night, I had a hankering for a delicious dinner cheesesteak from Waffle House.  Initially,  I wanted pasta, then poutine but I definitely wanted cheesesteak.  It was pretty late so the little kids were asleep. I told the Astronaut & the Princess to put their shoes on and come with me.

We got to my favorite Waffle House and my favorite cook was working so I was elated.  As we selected our seat,  both the cook and server eyed me suspiciously.
"You sure you don't want to sit at the low bar?" asked the concerned cook, as I lowered myself into to the booth.
"No," I answered.  "It's fine." I turned to the kids. "I think this is my last time in a booth, ya'll."

We ordered and ate, enjoying our unique brand of humor until Lil Fish tapped my bladder as if to remind me I wasn't entitled to uninterrupted time with my 1st and 2nd born. As I went to get up, I noticed that the frisky fetus had shifted slightly and I, as a result,  was firmly wedged between the table and chair.

I tried to shift, to no avail.  Additionally, the booths in Waffle House are permanently bolted down.  A noticed and asked if I needed help. P simply snickered.

I'll spare you the details but A slid me out without me on the floor and I had to sit sideways for the rest of the meal.

That Face!

I had my 36 week appointment today.  There's nothing too new or exciting to report.  Blood pressure still good, still got a ton of fluid, not gaining much (a little under 20 pounds).  Since I have polyhydramnios, we get frequent peeks at our little fish and today's peek was AMAZING! It was challenging at first since someone wanted to duck on their hands.  Here are a few of the best shots:

Hello, love!

We were clearly annoying the little night owl with our morning antics

Those lips! Those cheeks! That little nose!  Be still my heart! Our technician said my extra fluid and baby's fat layers are why these pics are so great.

I think it's amazing that we can see the baby so clearly before s/he is born. This level of technology didn't exist for my first 3 children was quite new when I was expecting Side Salad.

While we know what Lil Fish looks like, we don't know the gender. If you think you do, click the link and make a guess!
<a href="http://www.expectnet.com/logingame.php?game_name=BabyFerraro"><img src="http://www.expectnet.com/148075/17eeb73d/banner1.png" border="0"></a>

Wordless Wednesday: Maternity Pics (the professional ones)

Location: 

Hope's Ferry Landing 

Photographer: 

NTHeSTReeTzENT marketrap009@gmail.com

Make it Monday: If you give a first grader a saw...

Usually I spend my summers traveling with the crew but I'm nearly 37 weeks pregnant so we are staying close to home this year.  It kinda sucks-I want to camp and hike and whatnot.  Next summer, we'll be back at it.

So because I can't do what I want, I do what I can. Today,  that means making stuff.  Getting all these baby gifts mean lots of boxes and what better way to repurpose boxes than to make a car!

I got this MakeDo kit a while back from Target. [Note: this is a first gen kit and Make Do has some awesome upgrades that make it even easier for kids to create.]

 It came with a "saw," some plastic connectors , and lots of stickers. 

I gave Popcorn a couple of boxes and a Sharpie and got out of her way.

Getting out of the way is important.  We adults tend to like things to be just so and that's fine BUT kids need freedom to create and experiment. I helped her a little-when she asked-and encouraged her all the way. Her siblings and MechanicBae offered support and advice intermittently. Pepperoni offered moral support.

After a couple of hours,  this was her final product.

Not too shabby for a 6 year old.  But bigger than that are the lessons:

• Creativity-she designed the car
• Planning-she had to plan where to put the roof and doors, create a steering wheel, etc
• Perseverance-she worked through frustration and kept working until she was done
• Problem solving-she originally wanted to use an old Wii steering wheel but it was too heavy so she constructed a cardboard steering wheel. This took several tries, which is important, too.  Kids need to fail sometimes.  They need to know that failing is part of learning and growing.

All of these are important critical thinking skills and translate to real life problem solving.

I shared these pics with the folks at Make Do and they were super responsive-and they  told us all about their new products.   Stay tuned for a future post with more making and doing!

Happiness not allowed

I was scrolling though Instagram today and came across an old pic of this drop dead gorgeous mama and her brood.

I've seen this pic before and I'm wowed by it every time. That woman is #flawless and giving me all sorts of Mama Earth Fertility Goddess life.

Then, I read the comments.

Why do I ever read the comments? I wish I could say was floored...but I wasn't.  See, I know those sentiments well. It's part of the reason I wait to share my pregnancies.  I think I was in my 3rd trimester before I shared Popcorn and I was about 33 weeks when I shared this pregnancy.  Black women frequently "aren't allowed"  to celebrate new life in ways others are.  Allow me to explan.

There is a very single faceted perception of what a Black woman can and can't be.  One of those things is "happy to be a mother of many."  If a woman has more than 3 children, the perception is that she's poor, ignorant recieving public assistance, and promiscuous.  It's up to the woman to prove she's none of these.  However,  if a white woman shares a pic of her large family, it's by and large "a blessing" and she is a super mom. It doesn't matter if dad is in that shot or not. She's assumed to be married, nurturing,  intelligent , and pious. Heck, she might even get a TV show.  I am not disagreeing; I clearly love large families.  I'm shappy MechanicBae came with offspring (and a wonderful exwife), even though they are only with us sometimes.  I'm just pointing out that it's hypocritical. The automatic aassumptions are unfounded and insulting.  And the most vocal outcry comes from other Black women.  Why? How?

Because people breath life into tired, false stereotypes.   Here are some facts:

• Birth rates are down.  Black women declined from 2.14 births per woman to 1.89 births per woman. People are not "having a whole bunch of babies." (Except me.  I'm having a whole bunch of babies.)
• Black people do get married.  75% of Black women marry before 35.  I could have told you that, anecdotally,  but I prefer facts.  I have very few friends who have never been married and most of those are by choice.
• Black fathers are not across the board absent. MechanicBae is a great dad/stepdad. My male friends are awesome fathers.  My friends' husbands ROCK.

Every time I see a baby, Black or otherwise, I feel a little peal of joy.  Babies remind us that life goes on, that there's hope for the future. But Black people represent such a tiny sliver of the population, 13% if I recollect.  That should make each little melanated munchkin extra precious to us all.

So now that you know some facts, how about we all just  #letblackbabiesexist