Friday, January 27, 2012

Help. The baby is eating my brain…(and a contest!)

Any woman who has been infected with pregnancy can tell you that it totally rots your brain. This is partially due to baby’s zombie-like nature.  It is nearly scientifically impossible to discern babies from zombies as illustrated by this handy chart from How To Be a Dad (this is a super funny blog; make sure you check out the sleep positions).

It is a well known fact that during gestation, babies use their little tentacles (they shrivel and shrink before birth and become “fingers”) to suck on their mommies brains. Trust me, I know. I have done this pregnancy thing a few times.  Babies have also been know to roam around their mommies' bodies. My midwives have a difficult time finding Popcorn for this very reason. Usually, the bambino is hiding near my spleen or diddling with my gall bladder, naughty little rascal. I digress.

Lately, Baby Popcorn has been using its tentacles to control my thoughts. All I think about is baby stuff.  Which carseat to buy, should I get a ring sling or a mei tai, whose got cheap OBV prefolds, etc.  Screw cooking dinner; I'm on Hyena Cart all the time.  

My latest conundrum is what to name baby.  Lettuce and I have been tossing a few names back and forth but more input is always good.  This is where you come in, dear reader.  Suggest a few baby names for me, if you don’t mind.
But wait, the rules!  There is a set of guidelines I follow when naming my kids. Wanna hear ‘em? Hear they go.
All Names:
  • First name should be 5 letters.
  • The orgin of the name should be Hebrew.
  • The letter ‘e’ looks weird to me so I try to avoid it. In fact, Astronaut has one ‘e’ in his middle name, Princess has two in her middle name, Squirrel has zero, and Side Salad has one in his middle name.  Yes, it is strange.  No, I don't know why.  I also don’t eat anything blue so live with it.

Boy Names:
  • I prefer Biblical names; Lettuce doesn’t. This is my blog.
  • No ambiguous names! I like very boyish names.
  • I do like common names but the hubs does not. There is a limit to the commonness (see next bullet point).
  • I hate the name Jaden/Jayden/Jaiden/Jaydan/Jadan/Jadon/Jadin/Jaidan/Jaidin/Jaidon/Jayden/Jaydin/Jaydon et cetera, ad nauseum.  It’s just too common.  No alteration to the spelling changes the fact that it’s the same name. The same goes for subbing an ‘l’ for the ‘d’. Just too common. Plus, it reminds me of Jade, which is a girl name.

Girl Names:
  • I like names that have meanings that have to do with water.  (Princess’s name means “dew from heaven” and Squirrel’s name means “autumn rain.”)
  • No boys names used for girl names. I like feminine names.
  • I don’t like very common names.
  • I hate the name Neveah. It’s really silly.  I’ll illustrate with an analogy: Neveah is to heaven as dog is to God.

Parts of this may seem harsh, but apparently, everybody hates Jayden and Neveah. Besides, this is my wee bairn.

Let me add that I have broken a few rules in the past.  The Princess’s middle name is not Hebrew. It is the same as my mother and my middle name. Or should that be "my mother’s and my’s middle name"? Maybe I should just say "the same middle name as my mother and I do."  Which ever is right, it’s not Hebrew.  Also, Side Salad has Lettuce’s name as his middle name and his first name is Welsh. And it’s more than 5 letters.  Side Salad was clearly a rebel from the start.  Little vigilante.  So if there is a name you truly love and think would be perfect, try me.

Alrighty, so now you know the rules. Make with the baby names.  And include the meanings, if you know them.

While you're at it, enter your guess on There's a prize for the winner!

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